People in love make me want to vomit
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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