I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
being pregnant is like rehab
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
