My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
