now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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