Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
