he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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