Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
