My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
