I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
