Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.