There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
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so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice