she was so not down for the gang bang
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?