Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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