I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
