I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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