There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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