You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
