I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Buhtt sex?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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