Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
