This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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