'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
