The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
