We're facebook friends in real life
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
