okay pat passed out under dana's car
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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