Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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