It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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