Say something about gay babies.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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