Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
