Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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