It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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