You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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