The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
