he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries