My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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