My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
