just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How naked do you want me to be?
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