dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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