i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize