Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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