I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"