I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.