I'm an idiot
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Shitshow foam night was such a success
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.