Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is Oprah even human