And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave