I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
