Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
