He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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