They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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