he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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