mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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