I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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