He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
