Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.