At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
