when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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