found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
