Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
