Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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