is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
