I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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