i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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