I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My penis needs a shock collar
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
