Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
