the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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