Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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