final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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