hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
