the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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