Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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