dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
