I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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