3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
