All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
